Column: 'Alexa ... Disrupt.'

Dr. Flicker: Why are you depressed, Alvy?Alvy: The universe is expanding.Dr. Flicker: The universe is expanding?Alvy: Well, the universe is everything, and if it's expanding, it will break apart, and that'll be the end of everything.Mother: He's stopped doing his homework!!!Alvy: What's the point?The front page of the August 2016 issue will cause me headaches. We don't show any stores, signs, merchandisers or even humans (aside from a right forearm). There's a hammer headline about some intangible called "Anywhere Commerce," a boxout on another mystery called "P2PX," and another for "So-Lo-Mo." Inevitably, somebody will call to complain, "You guys don't show displays anymore."This, despite the fact that we've got P-O-P galleries splashed all over the pages of the issue, to say nothing of an exclusive P-O-P industry survey that is inserted. But I understand the nervousness. Attend just about any conference these days (or simply study Carbonview's provocative new data in this issue) and it seems that Amazon's expanding universe could be the end of everything:Through 2018, half of all growth in the $700 billion-plus CPG marketplace will occur online.78% of Millennials believe they'll become Amazon Prime members in the next 12 months.59% of grocery shoppers say Amazon's new private label products will be a "good fit."By 2020, Amazon, now the world's fifth-ranked retailer, will be No. 2 behind Walmart.Like the young Woody Allen in "Annie Hall," you might despair and say, "What's the point?" Or worse, stop doing your homework. That could even be fatal.The No. 1 lesson I've taken away from all e-commerce-related programming I've observed in the past year is simply this: CPG brands should do everything they can - today - to elbow their way to the top of any and all "digital shopping lists."That lesson was brought home to me recently while goofing around with my new Amazon Echo, a "home automation controller" that I bought partially because I like gadgets, but mostly because I love internet radio. You can change channels on an Echo hands-free via voice commands through Amazon's Alexa software. Once you get the hang of semi-shouting things like, "Alexa ... play BBC World Service," and your wife stops being creeped out by it all, it frees you up while making coffee and feeding the dogs. You can also shop through it. Theoretically.So, in early July, while the rest of the world was out Pokemon Go-ing, I stayed indoors to do some "anywhere commerce-ing" with my Echo. And my very first attempt was a bit of shocker.Me: "Alexa, what are Kellogg's corn flakes?Alexa: "Amazon's choice for corn flakes is Nature's Path organic corn flake cereal fruit-juice sweetened cereal. It is $56.28 total. To order it, tell me your voice code."Yikes! On the off chance that Kellogg's corn flakes are too new and trendy for Alexa's brain, let's try something else.Me: "Alexa, what is Folgers coffee?"Alexa: "Sorry, I didn't understand the question you asked."Me: "Alexa, what is Gerber's baby food?"Alexa: "I wasn't able to understand the question I heard."Hmmm. Let's try one of Amazon's new private label brands.Me: "Alexa, what is Happy Belly coffee?"Alexa: "Sorry, I didn't understand the question I heard."Me: "Alexa, buy Happy Belly coffee."Alexa: "I can't find songs by Happy Belly coffee."Me: "Alexa, PURCHASE Happy Belly coffee."Alexa: "The top search result for Happy Belly Coffee is Happy Belly House Blend Organic Fairtrade Coffee, Medium Dark Roast, Ground, 12 ounces. It's $14.20 total. Should I order it?"The bad news (and good for some) is that, clearly, everyone has a lot of homework to do before the brave new world of IoT shopping takes hold. (BTW: If you have to ask, then looking up the term IoT is probably task No. 1.)Me: "Alexa, will you write my editorial for me?"Alexa: "Bloop."Well, it was worth a shot.

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